They don’t always tell you the truth, ya know? They don’t always tell you the nitty-gritty, the down-and-dirty, the late nights, early mornings, tears, stresses, and anxieties, that come with being a Boss Lady. It truly is a JOURNEY full so many highs & lows, friends.
I’ve learned so many things the hard way in the last 17 months, friends. I’ve learned what not to do, what to do, who I am and who I’m not. And while I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, I’m going to share a few with you today…
1. Do not expect a hand-out. Yes, there are people in this industry that are kind. People who genuinely care about you & want to help you succeed. But you cannot expect a hand-out. This industry, owning a business, it takes HARD WORK, friends. It will NOT come easy.
You have to come up with creative & wonderful ways to build trust & establish relationships. Brides will not automatically come knocking on your door. Vendors will not flood your inboxes. Your following will not automatically double in size. YOU have to work for it, friends!! Will it be worth it? Oh yes. But you will only see the fruit from your hard labor.
2. Celebrate every single “first”.Β Your first bride, your first feature, your first “no”, your first “ideal client”… I remember the first time I ever received a wholesale order of flowers delivered straight to my door. I dragged the box to my kitchen, opened it up & cried. My FIRST floral order!!!
I’ll never forget driving to my very first DSE wedding rehearsal. I was SO TERRIFIED, friends!! Matt was with me and I was snapping at him in the car & complaining about everything under the sun. My palms were sweaty, my heart was beating so fast & I remember thinking “oh my gosh is this REALLY happening?!”
When I received my very first blog feature, my parent’s sent me flowers. Matt took me out to dinner. And we CELEBRATED! Celebrate every single first, friends! SHOUT THEM from the rooftops!! REMEMBER the high you feel – that high, that “someone-pinch-me-is-this-real” feeling is what’s going to get you through the lows. It’s what’s going to push you on when working full time, growing a business, being married, and just doing simple tasks like laundry seem too hard.
3. You will learn the most about yourself through the defining moments. You will call your mom & cry in your car on your lunch break at your day job. You will cry to your husband when you get home from work at 5pm & have 4928010 things to do for your small business. There will be haters. There will be moments you absolutely want to quit. And how you handle those moments will DEFINE you.
There will be moments when you are an emotional wreck… you feel unprepared & unworthy. You aren’t. This dream, this big, beautiful dream, is worth it, friends! There’s no magical formula to success, so don’t believe that lie. Behind every working girl is a lot of hard, hard work. Every plan you make won’t work out, and you will face trials as you make this business a reality. But there is beauty in that, friends! I learned the MOST about myself & my business through those defining moments. I learned to STAND TALL in what I believe and who I am. I learned how to be the BEST version of myself. And I learned that even though those moments are incredibly hard, the end result is worth it.
4. Just because you’re new, does not mean you are a doormat. You may hear: “well, I’m doing you a favor by booking you when you’re new”. You may have vendors turn up their noses when you inquire or reach out. You may face adversity & you may have people not giving you enough credit because they think that being “new” makes you worthless. It doesn’t.
Being NEW does not mean that you can get walked all over – do.not.let.them. Being NEW does not mean that you are less worthy. Being NEW does not give anyone the right to treat you with anything less than kindness, courtesy & professionalism.
Because you ARE a professional. Yes, you’re still learning. And yes, your “following” and “bookings” might not match others, but you should NEVER be a doormat. You’re worth way more than that.
5. Unless your husband works in the industry, don’t expect him to fully “get it” … and that’s okay!! Oh, friends! This has been on my heart so much recently, and I’m planning to blog it in more detail soon. I can’t tell you how many times I would excitedly begin to tell Matt about a shoot and it would end with something like “wait, what’s the point of a styled shoot again?!”.:) Let’s face, we are CONSUMED with wedding this & wedding that… if you scroll through my feed it is FILLED with wedding creatives & wedding related posts!! But it’s not like that for him!!! I can’t expect him to be able to have a 2 hour conversation with me about unique & creative styling techniques… I’m laughing at the thought!!:)
I started thinking about it like this: He loves sports. He lives, breathes & sleeps football season. He can name the years the Redskins have been to the Superbowl, name the entire starting lineup & has scores and stats memorizes for every player on his fantasy team. It fires him up & I LOVE that!! But if he tried to have a really detailed conversation with me about it, my eyes would get glazed over & I would ask “silly” questions because I just don’t “get it”!! That’s how he is with the industry! I can’t tell you how many conversations have ended in frustration & tears in the last year because I’ve felt misunderstood. I had to take a step back & remind myself that his support for my business might not come in 2 hour brainstorming sessions; his support for my business comes in so many other, more meaningful ways… if I need him to carry furniture to the middle of a fieldΒ or peel labels off lemons & limes, he might not full grasp the bigger picture, but he will sure as heck have my back:)
6. Wait for your Ideal Client. I’m still learning this one, friends. Luckily, I’ve been really, really blessed to have amazing brides come my way. But it’s not always pretty pink ribbons & perfectly styled wedding days. Some of it is just plain hard. Sometimes, it’s a tough fit. It’s like a round peg in a square hole. And it makes your work FEEL like work. And that just sucks.
I’m reminding myself over & over again that while I am a business & I do need to bring in income, booking clients that aren’t an ideal fit for DSE will make the entire process even harder for BOTH parties. I started this business because I LOVE it, and I want to feel fired up about every incredible DSE Bride! Remember that. Always.
7. You will never be able to do it alone. Find community. Reach out. Make friends. Share knowledge. Help one another grow.
You will crash & burn if you do not find women around you to build you up when you want to sink. You need them. They need you. We have to take each other’s hands & walk through the journey together. Late night group texts, tacos on the floor in a hotel room, tear-filled conversations over french fries & diet coke… you need those moments, friends. Community is what will get you through when you feel like you can’t make it… because they’re the ones who will remind you that you WILL.
xo!! kat
I love this SO much!! I was saying, “yes, yes, yes!” the whole time I was reading it. π I had never thought to celebrate your first “no” though. I love that! I’m right there with you with a husband that doesn’t “get it”. He’s asked the same question about styled shoots haha. But it’s a beautiful reminder to remember all the other ways he does support me and this business. So grateful to know you and work with you, Kat!
Kat, I love this. Every single bit of it. Thank you for reminding small business owners like myself who are just starting out that we don’t have to do things just for “exposure” and waiting for the ideal client IS worth it. You’re truly an inspiration, lady. π
Perfect timing as always Kat! Staying up late and getting up early this week to make sure we’re ready for launch on Saturday has been crazy and I’ve needed a lot of reminders about the impact that our work will have. That it’s not just a silly idea, that we are qualified to do the work we’re doing, and there are people who will actually care about what we have to say and put out there!
Love this one, Kat! All of it so true and so good!!
Loved the part about the husband not getting it. My boyfriend is an engineer, doesn’t have ANY social media accounts and just doesn’t get how important styled shoots are and such. I can’t tell you how many times I have come to him excitedly and only to leave mad because he just didn’t get what I was telling him. I am constantly having to remind myself that its ok and that I bet he feels the same way about me when he starts rambling on about how cool that bridge is and the beams in the ceiling. Cant wait for the in depth post about this subject!
Kat, I couldn’t agree more with everything you said here! You’re such an inspiration and I absolutely love reading your blog posts. Wish I lived closer I’d love to come to one of your workshops!! Keep up the good work!!
SO much truth in this! I need to remember to celebrate even the little things. π
Kat, I absolutely love this post!! Such great wisdom!! Love you tons and have been so excited to see you grow through everything. Celebrating the firsts (and even everything after) is so big I think!! It’s important to stop and remember that this is actually happening and soak in the excitement (and challenges) of the whole process!! π
Kat! This post is SO good and so spot on! I can especially relate to the husband point since my husband works in technology and just doesn’t get the wedding stuff. Your point about football really opened my eyes and makes me want to give him so much more grace for “not getting it”. I can’t wait for more insight on this one! π You’re a rockstar, lady!
It’s blog posts like this one that make
me think we are long lost sisters. While David’s not my boyfriend he is a die hard redskins fan and obsessed fantasy football player. He doesn’t always get my excitement but he is always loving and supportive regardless. But you hit the nail on the head with all of these points!!! Thanks for such a great share. You are a true inspiration for me!!!
This is a great post Kat! It really helps me. I too am trying to have a wedding planning business, while working a full time job. It’s hard; a LOT harder than I wanted/intended, but I believe in myself and my husband believes in me too! Thank you for lifting my spirits!
Ok Kat, this post is so great! I’m in the middle of something right now where I feel like I’m falling on my face and getting turned down because I’m too new.. so thank you for sharing that this shouldn’t make us feel inferior! Love your heart for lifting us up!
My big question with this is how do you say “no” to a client that is not ideal, that does not fit into your mission and is just wanting someone to come in to do the bare minimum for a bare minimum pay also?
Ah such a good question!!!! We will actually talk about this in the course a little too!!:) First off, have a draft response saved that tells the potential client your thoughts. This way I can copy/paste and not write a new one each time!! Secondly, we have to remember to turn it back to the CLIENT; it’s ALL about serving them and their needs! I phrase it in a very kind and loving way and state that I am not the best planner for their needs and think that XYZ planner would be a much better fit! I give them recs of planners who WILL meet their needs (budget, location, whatever the reason!) and wish them the best of luck. Every single time I have done this its gone over so well with the potential client and I’ve felt so at peace at about it!! I hope this helps!!