Gosh, it feels like ages since I’ve sat down in WordPress to write a post. In fact, it’s literally been 7 weeks since I’ve written anything on here!!
I would say that the last few months have been incredible busy and while they have, they honestly haven’t been quite as busy as other seasons in my business. Instead of “business busy”, I feel like the last 8 weeks have been busy with heart things, both for my business & personally. Things that have made me stop and reevaluate exactly what I’m doing & why I’m doing it. To be honest, I haven’t really wanted to write. I haven’t had a desire to share portfolio work, give advice, or even just blog about #schmoadventures. I felt a bit more private than my normal “open book self” and decided to just embrace that for however long I needed.
There’s been a lot of change in the last few months, or am I the only one seeing that? I feel like the wedding industry is shaking things up a bit – in good ways & not-so-good ways. Our creative industry is making headway; running in a direction it hasn’t run before (or at least in a way it hasn’t run in 3-5 years). And for a little bit, I felt the need to change too. I struggled with my place in it all. I struggled with the direction my businesses (both DSE & Creative at Heart) should take in lieu of the changes.
Do I still have the ability to dream big when so many around me are doing just that? Do I have a desire to reach for the stars when I might not make it? Do I even want to continue with any of my dreams, when it’s all I can do to keep from drowning in the day-to-day? Why am I even doing it all?
I asked myself those questions & so many others as I allowed my heart to wrap around all the changes. And to be honest, I still don’t have all the answers. And that’s okay.
If there’s one thing I’ve realized in the last few weeks it’s this: there’s a season for everything. They’ll be seasons in my business where my heart is 110% in it. They’ll be seasons where I struggle a bit more. They’ll be seasons of hustle & seasons of wait. They’ll be seasons of “slow & steady” and seasons of “go big or go home”. And the simple truth is this: we just don’t know what season the other person is in… heck, sometimes I’m still figuring out what season I’M in!!
We don’t know someone’s heart behind the highlight reel. We don’t know what they’re facing, what they’re fighting or what they are triumphing over just by looking at a single square, or a floral crown snapchat filter or a 140 characters in a tweet. And for the past few weeks, I’m ashamed to say that I’ve let myself do just that. I decided that the direction I was growing my business, or WANTED to grow in m y business, wasn’t good enough because her’s looked better. So I let the anxiety & the depression & the “what ifs” & the “do I even’s” win.
I’m not writing this post saying that I finally figured it out all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m writing this post because I’m tired of TRYING to figure it out. Because I realized deep down that I won’t EVER figure it out … and that’s okay. There are seasons – beautiful, chaotic, messy & sometimes hard seasons of our life. Seasons that open our eyes & shape our future. Seasons that point us in the direction we should go, or the direction we already knew we were headed.
This is a hard season for me … and maybe it’s a hard season for you, too. One of those “when it rains it pours” kinda things. But that’s just it, friends – it’s a season. We don’t have to have all the answers; we don’t have to have it all together. We never, ever will, ha! This hard season is not the rest of my life; and it’s not the rest of yours. Just like this industry is ebbing & flowing, so will your business & in reality, so will you life. It won’t always be butterflies & rainbows – just like it won’t always be thunderclouds & hail. I’m going to keep pressing forward, and I daresay you should too. Because of there’s one thing I’ve come to realize … when it’s all said and done and the wind finally dies down, I’ll still be here, holding down my anchor & weathering the storm.
xo! kat
Headshot by Meghan Rose Photography in one of my favorite places: Queenstown, New Zealand
