As I write this, I’m somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. In fact, I’m about 35,000 miles above the Pacific Ocean… tearfully typing and trying to grasp all the words in my heart before the guy sitting across the aisle thinks I’ve gone insane.
I’m going to be honest, friends. I’m a blubbering mess. While this trip encompassed some of the most excited moments of my life, it also encompassed a few of the hardest. I learned a lot about myself. I learned about Jesus, and His love. I think, if I’m being honest, He’s been teaching me more about the unfailing power of His love over & over again the last few months. And my stubborn heart is slowly beginning to allow it to sink in.
I haven’t written my Word of Year post because, quite frankly, I was still figured out what I wanted it to be. One word to embody what I want an entire 365 days to sum up? That’s a lot of pressure!!
In 2014, I picked Simplicity. In 2015, I chose Intentional. Both are powerful words. Both mean a lot to me & are still words I want to use to describe my life & my work.
This year? This year I keeping feeling the Lord lead me back to one word over & over again: Enough.
Enough. Webster says: equal to what is needed
Synonyms include: sufficient, plenty, full, acceptable, satisfying, bountiful, as much as necessary
Antonyms include: insufficient, lacking, unsuitable, inadequate
The Lord also addresses our desire to be “enough” in the Bible multiple times with verses like:
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; but our sufficiency is from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“The Lord fulfills His purpose in me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Psalm 138:8
For me, it’s pretty simple. I want to know that I am enough. I’m enough in my broken, sinful state. I’m enough in my boss lady winning state. I’m enough for my husband, my God and my friends. I’m ENOUGH. I don’t have to strive for perfection. And I don’t have to chase goals that aren’t even mine to begin with.
That line gets me tripped up a lot.
Towards the end of this year I was struck with that very realization. A realization that has since drastically changed the outlook of my business and is constantly molding my heart …
Just because she’s doing it doesn’t mean I have to.
Say that with me.
Just because she’s doing it doesn’t mean I have to.
She is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. And so are YOU. She’s doing big things… in fact, she’s doing so many BIG things that you feel like you’re just doggy paddling behind an Olympic swimmer. You can’t keep up. You can’t compete. All you can do is keep from drowning.
I lived a good part of 2015 with that mindset. And I don’t say that proudly.
I felt like the things I was doing, the goals I was setting & the way I was striving could in no way, shape or form compete with hers. That she was magnificent & I was just ordinary. I wasn’t going to last in the industry; I was failing while she was thriving.
And that was a lie.
Satan sunk that lie so deep in my heart and I let it simmer right there. I let myself get eaten alive with bitterness & jealousy. I let myself feel unworthy & incompetent. And I almost let it get the best of me.
I had a hard half of the year, y’all. I festered things deep in my soul and tried to keep them there forever. And you know what? I almost did. I almost let it take over. I almost said “Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this”. Have you been there? Have you ever been so desperate you think you’re not enough for the life you have? For the life Jesus gave to you?
I’m turning the tables, friends. My word this year is enough because, well, enough is enough!!! Enough doubting. Enough second-guessing. Enough bitterness. Enough jealousy.
We’ve been using the word community a lot in the industry that last few months; I love that. I can visibly see a shift in how we are operating, how we are communicating & how we are loving one other. I believe in that. I believe in that with everything in me & it’s so much of the heart of this dream of mine. But I’m going to be real with you, and please hear me out: living out community is so much more than putting #communityovercompetition on an instagram. It’s so much more than attending a meet-up or going to a conference or lending a helping hand. It’s deeper & much more powerful than that and bred in the deepest places of your heart.
I want my heart to truly feel community over competition. I want my heart to throw out jealousy & discontent. I want my heart to proclaim proudly: I am ENOUGH so she can be too!! She has goals, BIG ones. And so do I!! And neither one is better than the other!! Just because she’s succeeding doesn’t mean I won’t. Just because her life seems easier, simpler, better, doesn’t mean it is. And just because she’s doing that doesn’t mean I have to. My business is enough; my marriage is enough; I am enough. Jesus died to prove that very fact to me – He wants nothing BUT me. And through Him, I am enough.
xo! kat
Thanks for new picture, Meghan Rose Photography! You sure know how to make a girl feel pretty:)
